5 tips on how to instil good character & high EQ in our kids

Good character is a major factor that determines one’s success in this world and the hereafter.

Many studies have shown that those who are successful in their life and work are not due to their high IQ but mainly on how do they interact with others, how they manage stress, how discipline they are and how good they manage their emotion. I believe that many of us have read many books on emotional intelligence and good character. Many ideas are given by many authors on this issue. In this short article, I would like to share with you 5 tips on how to instil good character and high EQ in our kids, inclusive of the spiritual perspective as what has been given example by our beloved prophet, Muhammad (peace & blessing be upon him).

Point #1 Always start with yourself

‘Like mother like daughter’. This phrase is very common among the community in my home country to describe how the child will closely follow the footstep of their parents. It is undeniable as prophet Muhammad (peace & blessing be upon him) has mentioned that the parents are the person who moulds their children. Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (peace & blessing be upon him) as saying: The mother of every person gives him birth according to his true nature. It is subsequently his parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Magian. Had his parents been Muslim he would have also remained a Muslim. Every person to whom his mother gives birth (has two aspects of his life); when his mother gives birth Satan strikes him but it was not the case with Mary and her son (Jesus Christ).[1]
A hot-tempered mother will always raise up a hot-tempered child and vice versa. In order for us to have a child with high EQ and good character, we have to start first to develop the quality in ourselves. Restrain ourselves first from anger to avoid our children from having a problem with anger management.

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Point #2 Calm parenting style

There are many parenting styles. Your parenting style may differ from your friend’s or from mine. Which one is the best? The best parenting style was the parenting style of the Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessing be upon him). He showed his love for his children in many positive ways. He did not rebuke. He corrected his children in a calm way and by showing examples. There was none of the hadith that I came across that mentioned he nagged to any of them.
When Al- Hasan (may Allaah be pleased with him) did something wrong Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not simply let it slide, but he told him and showed him through his action. Abu Huraira (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that Al Hasan ibn ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with them) took one of the dates of the sadaqa and put it in his mouth, whereupon Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Leave it, leave it, throw it; don’t you know that we do not eat the sadaqa? [2]

Point #3 Praise, accept their ability and not being judgemental

Our children are born with different abilities, intelligence and interest. Child A may have a better kinesthetic intelligence then child B who may have better linguistic intelligence and child C may have better interpersonal intelligence than both child A and child B. As parents, we have to take note of these and support our children based on their different ability and interest.
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Point #4 Learn and teach the character and attitude of our beloved Prophet with our kids

Qatadah reported: I said to Aisha, “O mother of the believers, tell me about the character of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him)” Aisha said, “Have you not read the Quran?” I said, “O course.” Aisha said, “Verily, the character of the Prophet of Allah was the Quran.” [3]

The best of example comes from him. He has shows us a lot of example of good character and how he managed stressful condition. As parents, we are required to do research and learn these qualities from hadith Sahih and most importantly practice and share this knowledge with our children. Knowledge Dunes has come up with an activity book that is suitable for children aged 10 and above, to teach about the character of Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessing be upon him) was the Quran. The activity book is equipped with word search, crossword, anger management log and many more. Click here to know more about the book.

Point #5 Read dua for protection continuously

Feeling anxious, sad, lazy, afraid, stinginess and not contented with what you own are real. These are the sickness of the heart and they are related to each other. Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessing be upon him) has taught us the steps that we should do to protect ourselves from these. We all have the potential to get these sicknesses especially with the influence and whispering of shaytan.
Anas ibn Maalik reported: The Prophet ﷺ used to say:

Allaahumma ‘innee ‘a’oothu bika minal-hammi walhazani, wal’ajzi walkasali, walbukhli waljubni, wa dhala’id-dayni wa ghalabatir-rijaal
(O Allah, I seek refuge in You from grief and sadness, from weakness and from laziness, from miserliness and from cowardice, from being overcome by debt and overpowered by men (i.e. others). [4]

Therefore, we have to always remind ourselves to always read this dua and teach other kids to do the same. ‘The Dua Journal Poster’ is designed by Knowledge Dunes for us to remind ourselves and our kids to read it every day, asking Allah to protect us from the 7 problems faced by many people today. You may stick the poster on the fridge, on the stairs, walkways, bedroom doors or any other easy access places. Make sure you tick in the provided box indicating that you have read the dua on that particular day. Allah answers all His slaves’ dua. Never give up by repeating the dua. ‘The Dua Journal Poster’ is free for download by clicking here.

I do hope that these 5 tips may benefit you and your children. If you find it beneficial please click here.

Written by UmmAbdullah

References:

  1. Sahih Muslim
  2. https://abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2012/08/11/prophet-character-quran/
  3. https://preciousgemsfromthequranandsunnah.wordpress.com/2018/11/25/dua-for-anxiety-sorrow-laziness-miserliness-cowardice-debt-protection-from-enemies/

Bibliography:

[1] Sahih Muslim 2659

[2] Sahih Bukhari and Muslim

[3] Ṣaḥii Muslim 746.

[4] [Al-Bukhari 7/158. See also Al-Asqalani, Fathul-Bari 11/173].

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